More Tales from Ohio ~ Statues, Airplanes and Briars... OH MY

On Sunday the 24, Jenne and I joined our friend, retired USAF Colonel Al Howey for a personal tour of the National Museum of the United States Airforce. We hadn't seen Al and his wife Barb in eight years! We would see Barb later for dinner and beer and wine. They even had lemons.

The larger than life statue of Icarus (seen at right) stands in the main lobby of the museum and boy does he have a package! Anyway, Al led us on a fantastic four hour tour that took us from the early days of flight up through the present day. We made our through the three giant hangers, but not without incident. While touring the Modern Flight Gallery I spied two women and seven very young children between an armored military vehicle and the hanger wall. One of the women cast a quick glance around and then lifted a two year old child and sat him way up on top of the vehicle. A full six feet above the hard concrete floor! Then she lifted another small child and placed him in a similar precarious position. Before she could back away to take this adorable and dangerous photo I intervened. Should I have gone and found a museum guide or employee? Possibly, but in that time a child could have fallen head first to the floor and/or injured their self on the many protrusions and sharp angles of the vehicle. Putting on my National Park Service volunteer face I stepped forward.
"Excuse me miss, but you need to get your children down off of that display. First, it's not safe and secondly the displays are not to be touched."
The look on her face told me she knew all of this, but she would not be deterred from her cute photo op. She was caught doing something she knew she shouldn't be doing and it pissed her off.
"Who are you?" The redneck drawl of her voice dripped like hog fat at a country BBQ . "Do yous works here?"
"No, I do..."
"Then yous can't be tellin me whats to do," ahh the sounds of TV's Hee Haw echoed in my ears.
"Miss, this is a museum, not a playground. Get the children down before they get hurt." Honestly, I just should have let Darwinism take its course.
"Well if dey gets hurt it's my responsibility and if yous dun work here eye's ain't gotta listen to ya." Ahh the logic of irresponsible redneck parents.
"I will get someone who works here, in fact this gentlemen is a volunteer at the museum," and I motioned to Al who stepped forward and took over. Jenne took my arm and pulled me back. Al had a few words with the woman and the other women removed the unfortunates from the vehicle and walked away. Al started to tell Jenne and I a stroy about a nearby aircraft. A few moments later Ellie May and her brood walked by and we locked eyes.
"Doncha be looking at me! Ya here me? I swear to God I will slap you," she belched. I love being threatened by morons and I certainly don't back down from this sort of threat.
"Oh, please come and slap me. You really want to be kicked out of here don't you?"
"I swears I will slap you," and she scrunched up her face. I guess this was her way of trying to scare me. Some form of primitive threat display that I am sure works down on the farm with the chickens. I laughed. She growled. Jenne took my arm and pulled me away. Ellie May walked away and muttered something.
Turning to Jenne I said, "Well my day is complete. I had an encounter with an idiot redneck."
"That wasn't a redneck," replied Jenne. "She's a Briar and trust me they are worse."
The remainder of our visit to the museum and dinner with Al and Barb - both highlights of our trip - was delightful.

Briar: Noun. A native Ohian will tell you that Briars are mostly from Kentucky. White people who wear mullets, go to NASCAR events, think that NASCAR clothing is high fashion, drive beat up pick-up trucks (AKA "beaters") painted several shades of primer gray, believe Dennys is fine-dining, drink all of your Heineken and only offer you Old Milwaukee Light, put stickers of Calvin peeing on things on the rear window of their "beater", and who procreate at an alarming rate. They generally have no job skills or ambition apart from working at the local Walmart.