I hate wearing neckties. HATE, HATE, HATE! And today and tomorrow at work, all employees must dress ‘business professional.’ That means neckties for the boys. Why? It’s just because the Board of Directors is here for meetings. Come on, the board knows that we don’t normally wear ties, so why wear them when they are here? What’s the fracking point? I’ll tell you the point. It’s all about the board exercising their powers over the workingman! The tie is a symbol of how the worker is tied to the company. They can’t chain us to our desks literally, so they do it figuratively through the necktie. Beyond that I have to scream can we PLUH-eeeeze get beyond the neckties as a ‘fashion accessory’? It’s high time we advance our fashion beyond this dangling waste of fabric and serious safety hazard. Yes, I said “serious safety hazard!” No matter how attractive the tie, when you get right down to it, the damn thing is a noose. Putting one on is symbolically saying, “Please hang me! Please choke me!” Seriously, someone could run up to a guy in a necktie, grab both ends, pull and choke the wearer too death. TOO DEATH I TELLS YA! I think Chuck Norris has even done it in a movie or two. At the very least, he thought about it. And did you ever see what happens when a necktie gets pulled into the auto feed mechanism of the modern copier? No? Well, I have, and let me tell you that it’s a gruesome sight, with bits of torn fabric and flesh everywhere. The only good thing about the necktie is that it points down at the penis thereby emphasizing it. Women see the necktie and their eyes follow it down, down, down, right to the penis! The necktie says, "check out my package!" Unless of course you happen to be a bow tie wearing ass-clown who likes to emphasize their ears, like Tucker Carlson. He knows that if he wore a necktie that someone would choke him for sure. Ghod, that guy is a major ass-clown.
It's all about THE MAN trying to keep us DOWN. Think about your heroes in popular culture - do they wear ties?
I give you an example - the fine feature film "Office Space". The protagonist's life is pure hell until he takes off the necktie.
The Russian word for necktie is "Galstuk", pronounce "GAHL-stook", which means (I'm sure) in some ancient Old Church Slavonic derivative language, "You're our beeyotch now".
I don't wear ties at work unless I have to go see a client. When I do that, I try to wear unusual underwear. It's a fine balance.
Posted by: Steve-o on February 9, 2006 01:30 PMHaven't worn a tie since Bladerunner. No thank you.
I wouldn't mind getting squeezed between Daryl Hannah's thighs though ;-)
Posted by: mm on February 9, 2006 01:32 PMTry wearing a bra every day! A necktie once in a while won't seem so awful.
Posted by: jenne on February 9, 2006 02:55 PMWho says I don't?
But seriously, folks - I have no problem with women not wearing the bra... ;)
Posted by: Steve-o on February 9, 2006 03:11 PMYeah, throw off the shackles of the bra! It's another waste of fabric, except when used in sexy photo shoots!
As Homer said in an episode of The Simpsons about Marge goinf bra-less. "YEAH MARGE! FREE THE SPRINGFIELD TWO!"
Posted by: Will Burnham on February 9, 2006 03:31 PM"I drempt I barged down the Nile in my Maidenform bra."
http://historywired.si.edu/enlarge.cfm?ID=294&ShowEnlargement=1
and then there was the famous "This bra doesn't fit! And I'm NOT GONNA WEAR IT ANYMORE!" - I can't even begin to tell you how crappy it is to wear one while suffering from asthma. But, for sheer torture, try having to wear pantyhose for 8 hours. Hell, never mind wearing them - if you have a bad back just try putting them on. You guys have it easy - no heels, no hose, no plucking, no waxing, haircuts take five minutes - all you need to get ready is a comb....and, by the way, neckties decend from cravets which were worn by the English aristocracy. In those days, the knots and designs were so complicated that a guy needed a valet to get them right. So quicher bellyachin' ;-)
Posted by: tea on February 9, 2006 07:01 PMNever mind the bra and the tie: tights/pantyhose are the clothing from hell. As Alice said, what idiot would invent a leg covering that could be ruined by a twig?!
Posted by: Somewhat on February 10, 2006 10:59 AMI must be in the minority in the bra department. I wouldn't be caught dead without one. I attribute the fact the twins ride high and tight to a life-long addiction to underwire bras. Maybe you other gals just ain't wearing the right size...now, if they could just make one for my ass I'd be set.
Posted by: juli on February 15, 2006 11:28 PM