It Has Begun

It has begun. The rampant speculation and prognostication is being broadcast from every TV and radio! Marylanders and Virginians are in a full-on panic. The grocery stores are swamped with the frightened! The dairy, bakery and paper product isles are laid bare. What could it be that has the populace living this day in fear? Are the end times upon us? Is it the second coming? The final judgment? THE RAPTURE? BUSH’S INNUAGUARATION!!??

It is worse than these. It is the WHITE DEATH that falls from the skies and covers the land! It is snow. A prediction of a mere inch – maybe an inch - has people freaked out. The rush is on for the holy trinity of supplies known as bread, milk and tee pee (personally, I add beer to the list). The weathermen, TV news anchors and radio DJs are playing it up as usual. Lots of maps, arms waving and over-the-top raised voices boom out the approach of the coming ‘perfect storm.’ Danger lads and lasses have been deployed on location at state highway salt domes. Wrapped in large coats and thick gloves they stand like animatronic rejects from Disney’s Hall of Presidents against a background of dump trucks, front end loaders and blinking yellow lights. They stand and over exaggerate their shivering as they hold a microphone in one hand and wildly gesticulate at the dump trucks with the other. Hunting for an exciting sound bite they interview a road crew chief and try in vain to get him to say something… anything exciting. The folks back at the TV and radio stations urge them on with rampant speculation, “I know the weather service is saying we may get an inch, BUT what if our area gets… oh say an inch and half or TWO!? Are your crews ready and capable of handing this storm?” The road crew chief replies, “Sure are.” And the disappointment in the quote is palpable. They quickly jump to the weather guy/gal and they repeat the same forecast of ten minutes ago this time with added emphasis. They go to school closures and it hasn’t even started snowing yet!

Honest to God, and with Jenne as my witness, I can tell you that we did hear Andy Barth of WMAR Channel 2 in Baltimore – their very own Danger Lad – use the term “Great White Death” to describe a North Easter back in the winter of oh three. The storm had been blamed for a few deaths down south. He was standing in front of the Falls Road salt dome as trucks and end loaders moved back and forth. Yellow lights blinking and he said, “…as you can see the road crews are busy here preparing for the coming of the great white death.” It made me wish I had TIVO.

It’s ridiculous, but we tune in. We watch and listen. It’s a wreck that we can’t seem to pull ourselves away from. Now if you’ll pardon me I need to log on to Inside Baltimore dot com and watch the Doppler radar all day.

I sure ain’t looking forward to the commute home this evening. Argh.