Whining about Wine

Over the past couple of months I have become a regular wine drinker, or to use another more common phrase, a wino. My beer drinking days are not over, not by any means, but wine is my daily drink of choice. Zombies are reserved for big drunken gatherings with friends. I wine constantly and my wine of choice lately is Merlot. Not expensive Merlots mind you. I may have Gucci tastes, but I still have a Target budget.

So what’s the price range I am drinking in? I buy in the $7 to $12 range. This means Beringer Wines of Napa Valley California,
Yellow Tail of Australia, and the occasional bottle of Rodney Strong 2001 Merlot, from Sonoma County, California. I say occasional bottle of Strong because it’s $18 a bottle. Hence I drink more of the Beringer and Yellow Tail. Last night I tried something new based on a TV commercial with cute Australian girls in it. Sex really does sell. I purchased a $6 bottle of Alice White Merlot and here’s my review. Now be warned, I am not an expert wine taster or reviewer and the way I taste wines may vary somewhat from how more experienced tasters do it. So if something here departs from what you know about wine tasting don’t get your undies in a bunch over it.

When I opened the bottle the first thing that caught my attention was the odd plastic wrapped cork. It wasn’t even real cork. How in the hell am I supposed to sniff the cork when the wine can’t even adhere to it? Well there's nothing on the cork and I declare the wine "fresh". I like new wines, none of that old stuff for me (just kidding). With the "cork" out of the bottle it is time to let the wine breath a little before pouring any into a glass. I get a wine glass and fill it a third of the way. Why a third? Too much wine in the glass and you can not tilt it to visually inspect the color - preferrably against a white background. You also can’t swirl the wine coat the sides of the glass and let it run down the inside looking for ‘fingering’. Get your mind out of the gutter. What I mean by this is does the wine coat the sides and run down them making what appears to be fingers reaching to the bottom of the glass. Fingering is how I visually measure thickness/body. Well I tilt the glass and look at the color and it’s a thin purplish red, much thinner than the other Merlots. I swirl the wine and try and coat the sides of the glass. Is this wine or water in my glass? It won’t coat at all and seems to fall apart on the sides of the glass. I stick my big nose (where are you from? Nose City?) in the glass and slowly, deeply inhale. The aroma is barely noticeable and sort of acidic. Being that 80% of taste is actually caused by our sense of smell I do not have even mediocre hopes for this wine. I take a drink and move the wine around in my mouth from front to sides to back. Each part of the mouth tastes things a little differently. It is very weak. It has a watered down taste and no body. David and Apryl giggle at the twisted face I make. I drink again and make the same face and I make my pronouncement, “this pretty much sucks.”
David grabs a plastic beaker and says, “here let me taste.” I pour a good amount in his specimine cup. He drinks.
“Yeah, it sucks. Pour me some more,” he says and takes another big swig.
“Well it’s a small bottle. Might as well finish it,” I say as I pour another glass and drink. Apryl giggles again. We finish off the bottle and get a fair buzz so it’s not a total loss. So as for Alice White, I won’t be buying anymore of this crap from down under. They should keep it down under. I am glad that I only spent six bucks on this – and I use the term loosely – wine, and not the $11 for the large bottle because that surely would have been money down the drain in a very real sense. This is the kind of wine that high school seniors and college freshmen can appreciate. It is cheap enough that a lot can be bought for a little and it gives a fair buzz for the small investment. As an adult wine however I say jump over it like a kangaroo jumps over fences in the outback. This is one of those wines where you get what you pay for.

In order of personal preference: Rodney Strong, Yellow Tale and Beringer Merlot. Never Alice White.

In order of price from highest to lowest: Rodney, YT & B (run about the same) and Alice White (don't waste the $$ on the last one).

Thanks for having me over last night Dave and Apryl. A good time was most definitely had.