December 01, 2004
Tis the Season
Mommy? What's a molitov cocktail? The cover of the book book Burn, Christmas! BURN! by by Brian Gage, Jeff Petersen
Angels we have heard on high tell us to go out and BUY! On with the shopping madness! There are only twenty-three days left after all. I know what the "real" meaning of the season is from the Christian viewpoint (what if you're not Christian?), so I don't need a lecture or a reminder. Recall that I was Catholic for a long time. It was drilled into me. Now I am Christian Lite, AKA Lutheran, all of the religion with half the guilt. Christian viewpoint aside, Christmas = pressure no matter how you look it. You all know the pressures - family, work parties, buying, travel, decorating, church stuff (for some), trying to find time to do it all, blah, blah, blah - so don't try and deny it. I'll call you to the matt on it. The fact that the all consuming, all demanding, all pressure holiday of Christmas is so close away makes me want to yell BURN, CHRISTMAS! BURN!! I know I sound like the infamous Dicken's character, but I'm not really not. By the way do we really need yet ANOTHER retelling of that story each year? This year NBC actually made it a musical with Kelsey Grammer as Scrooge and Jason Alexander as Jacob Marley. ARGH my ears! Seriously, didn't we just leave this party? It feels like Christmas 2003 was just yesterday and now we're back at it. Can I apply for an extension?
Synopsis of the book Burn, Christmas! BURN! by by Brian Gage, Jeff Petersen
Santa's elves are tired of being third-rate drones in his oppressive sweatshop. The labor is backbreaking and the greedy Santa and his crotchety CFO, Mrs. Claus, have worn their patience thin. They're mad as hell and they're not going to take it anymore. In this hilarious poke at modern Christmas mythology, Santa's not-so-cheery little toy-makers act more like disgruntled postal workers when they plot to overthrow their boss, smash the factory, and turn the reindeer into reindeer stew. There'll be nothing under the tree for one and all, unless little children agree to help crush their portly oppressors with a little merry activism. Subversive and dark, but also fun and cathartic, this illustrated workplace satire will bring the gift of ho-ho-ho to any disaffected office worker.
Reindeer STEW?!? That's freaking HARSH, dood.
Why not burgers? Heh, heh!
Posted by: steve-o on December 1, 2004 12:54 PMI didn't write the book (I wish I had) and I like stew.
Posted by: Will Burnham on December 1, 2004 12:56 PMI'm also a big fan of the stew, but those deer look too much like Sasha! My poor little dawg...
Posted by: steve-o on December 1, 2004 12:59 PMI'm actually looking forward to Christmas this year...what does that make me?
Posted by: Becky on December 1, 2004 02:32 PMBecky, Looking forward to Christmas doesn't "make" you anything. You are what you want to be. I am looking forward to it as well, although it doesn't read that way. I just don't want all the pressure. CAN'T HANDLE THIS MUCH PRESSURE!
Posted by: Will Burnham on December 1, 2004 02:41 PMI don't need no stinkin' pressure! Just do what you think you should do and everyone will have to deal with it...I'm through with pressure...it's hurting my health and happiness so I'm done with it!
Posted by: Becky on December 1, 2004 02:47 PMNo pressure - you just have to maintain a kind of Zen thing about Christmas. Did I just blaspheme? Heh, heh!
The only pressure I've dealt with is that stinking Wal-Mart had no bubble lights... :'(
Posted by: steve-o on December 1, 2004 03:10 PMWhat Christmas is, is.
On the other hand, what the Christmas *experience* is is what you choose to make of it. You can let "comsumerism" irritate you, or you can decide not to let it ruin your Christmas and have fun anyway. In lieu of a lecture your assignment is to watch the greatest modern Christmas story: "A Charlie Brown Christmas".
And stay outta Wal-Mart. That place is crazy in February, let alone December.
Or you could attend Quaker meeting for a month. No "keepers of days" here - my dear friend Max used to chide me relentlessly for even putting up a Christmas tree. But The Hub is not a Quaker, and he'd certainly revolt. Heck, if he hasn't cut the thing down himself, it's just not Christmas!
Posted by: Lynn on December 1, 2004 09:32 PMMy brother died at Christmas 23 years ago and Christmas pretty much sucked for quite a few years. It wasn't until The Kid came into my life a few years back that it started being fun again.
Look at it like an aa meeting. Take what you need and ignore the rest.
Posted by: juli on December 2, 2004 12:09 AM