Ahh Halloween. An evening of tricks, treats and frights. This year I did the same as last. I sat on the front steps with a big candy bowl in my lap and I was dressed all in black. This year I pulled a pair of tan panty hose over my head to obscure and flatten my facial features. The final touches were my black Jedi Knight robe with the hood over my head and several candles placed around me. A plastic bat on a stick I sat deathly still waiting for the little hobgoblins, vampires, super heroes and power rangers to come seeking tricks and treats.
Even though I did this same routine last year I still freaked out the kids. I sat deathly still and did not talk. The kids would come up to our walk, see me, stop at a distance and talk amongst themselves as to who would approach and get some candy. There would be some discussion as to whether I was a real person or a dummy. No comments from the peanut gallery! One member of the group would summon up the courage and approach. I would always let the first child come up and take a candy. They would then call to the others that it was safe. BRUHAHAHAHAHAHA! When the group would gather round and reach for candy I would yell, growl and extend my arms! It always got a great reaction of mild fright, high pitched screams and then laughter. I would then give the group candy. Last night though I scared one group of thirteen and fourteen year old boys more than I have ever scared any other group coming to my door on Halloween, and that’s saying a lot since I worked at a haunted attraction for five years. I was sitting still on the steps and three boys stopped at the end of the walk about fifteen feet away. With panty hose over my head it was difficult to see them at that distance in the dark.
“Whoa, there’s a Nazgul on the steps.” Sweet, they think I am a Dark Rider.
“Is it a real guy?” I hear one of them say.
“I can’t tell. YOOOO MISTER NAZGUL! HEY! ARE YOU REAL?”
I keep still and silent. My prey moves in a little closer.
“Dude, if that’s a real guy he sure can sit still.” One of them crouches down and looks up towards my face.
“OH MAN! He has no face! It must be fake. No face! That’s just creepy.” They draw in closer.
“I know how to tell if it’s real or fake!” says an Asian kid. I can see he is dressed as a wizard.
“Like how man?” questions his friend dressed as a generic D&D warrior.
“Like this,” and from out of nowhere he whips out a long stick that he’s been using a wizard staff and jabs me in the chest!
I leap up, the candy bowl flies from my lap and hundreds of Hershey miniatures go flying into the dark. My long black arms reach out and I grab his staff and yank it free of his hands.
“HEY! That’s my staff!”
“NOT ANY MORE! YOU DON’T GO JABBING PEOPLE AND DECORATIONS WITH STICKS!” I yell as I toss his staff up on our porch behind me and out of his reach. With my hands free I pull my panty hose mask - you probably love that I wore panty hose on my head – from my face and I sneer at the little punk and his two friends. His two friends back away.
“Come on mister give it back. It’s my wizard staff,” he pleads.
“You want it back? I will give it back when you bring either of your parents here and I talk to them in person,” I inform him.
“PLEASE!”
“You heard my terms. Bring mom or dad here and you get it back. No mom and dad, no stick.”
“But, it’s…”
“BRING YOUR PARENTS! NO GO!” And sulking he turned and left with his friends.
“Man if you bring your folks here you are so dead.” I hear one of them say to wizard lad. Nazgul; one, Wizards; zero.
I scoop up the candy and put it back into the bowl. Fixing my costume and pulling the panty hose back over my face I resume my place on the steps and wait to scare the next bunch of kids. The rest of the evening proceeds happily without incident like every year past. Kids get a little scare and I give out candy and we all have fun. No parents come knocking on our door and I expect that they never will. Another Halloween comes to a close. Trick or treat everyone.
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There was something of a mild flame battle earlier over this story. I was told by a friend that I "entrapped" Wizard Lad into jabbing me and that I was wrong. I shot back with I was assaulted, and had I been a manequin (in other words a display/decoration) that Wizard Lad was commiting vandalsim on private property. So a few shots were fired on this page and then then it went private to Instant Messenging. I put the post into "Draft" mode until I got a real legal stand point instead of my friend and I playing "Law for Dummies" and "Law and Order" with each other. Yes, it is all very ridiculous. I finally got word from the lawyer and restored this story only to have lost the earlier comments. Here is the email from the lawyer...
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From: Lisa M. V
Sent: Monday, November 01, 2004 11:19 AM
To: Will Burnham
Subject: FW: Strange criminal issue
Will -
Here is the response from the criminal attorney at the firm...
Lisa
From: Steven B V
Sent: Monday, November 01, 2004 11:13 AM
To: Lisa M. V
Subject: RE: Strange criminal issue
He didn't entrap the kid but he didn't let the kid know he was a real person. He should give the staff back. This is ridiculous.
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That still doesn't answer the question about possible assault or vandalism, but I don't really give a shit at this point. There's the answer. I didn't entrap anyone. I was looking to create some Halloween fun for the kids and myself like I have done for several years... AND THAT IS ALL! If Wizard Lad or his parents show up I will give him his stick back.
Peace, --Will
Sorry Dave, but you're wrong.
Entrapment is the active persuasion or inducement of an individual to commit a crime *by an officer of the law* for the purpose of charging/prosecuting the individual for that crime.
Will is neither a) an officer of the law, or b) actively inducing the individual to commit the act.
Posted by: Rob on November 1, 2004 12:58 PMI wouldn't be too surprised when you get the "trick" part next year.
Also, I seem to remember some little Willie Burnhan being a, let's say, touch precocious when a lad in Westminster. I don't think you'd want me to site examples eh? ;-)
Posted by: mm on November 1, 2004 02:05 PMOkay, I just spoke to the duty officer for Howard County police as per my arrangement with my friend. What I was doing was not entrapment. The officer said that the teen was wrong for his actions and that he should not be hitting anything with a stick. However I am not in the right for taking the stick and that should he come back for it – with or without his parents – that I am to give it back to him. Okay so the law has spoken. So let it be written… so let it be done.
Posted by: Will Burnham on November 1, 2004 02:12 PMRob,
perhapse if you had seen the entire conversation between Will and I would accept you opinion.
Will, I would rather you had not made mention of the conversation you and I had if you are not able to post the comments made by me earlier. I find this is no longer represantative of the point I was trying to make earlier and would rather have any of my view on this matter be removed from your blog site. I do not wish to be bashed or the word "entrapment" to be used to connotate what I was trying to say from now on. I am wrong, you should have just kicked the shit out of the kid for assulating you with the club.
Posted by: Dave on November 1, 2004 02:18 PMI don't no how you always have all the fun get the coolest pics. and your wife has not shoot you yet! Have a good week.
Posted by: Joe on November 1, 2004 03:35 PMI hated Halloween BEFORE there were lawyers involved. Years ago, two boys and a girl went trick or treating. They knocked on the door of an old man, who wasn't into the whole holiday, so he chased them off. They rang his bell again and rolled a tire into his foyer, but the old man caught the little girl. And he KEPT her! Her brother was all in favor of leaving her there, but the friend persueded him he had to go back and rescue her. They had to apolgize ( and take the tire out) and listen to a lecture...but my Dad went home with his sister, my Aunt in tow. Years later she married the boy the who rescued her.
Posted by: Lynn on November 1, 2004 06:19 PMHe was probably a little "redheaded Basterd"........he WILL BE BACK...........keep your lights on..................just kidding.........I use to do the same thing.....scare the hell out of them..........until some mon jumped on my case about scaring her little "angle" to where she would be to affraid to do "Halloween" again..........so now it is boring............but I still eat most of the candy that Fay buys........MY THE FORCE CONTINUE TO BE WITH YOU.......cya.........oh yah.............................BOO.
Posted by: tom perry on November 1, 2004 06:59 PMHey Dave, I remember your first comment really well. You cleary said that our man Willie entrapped that kid. Your comment was two short sentences and your point was clear as day and not anything that anyone could misconstrue. SWas there a point beyond accusing Willie of entrapping children. HEY WILLIE do you own a ginger bread house too where you bake the children you entrap? tee hee. Now Dave lay off Willie before I get all left wing liberal girlie girl medieval on your butt.
Posted by: SuzieQ on November 1, 2004 07:15 PMSounds like you had a lot of fun on Halloween, evilly luring kids onto your property with candy as bait!
Sorry, JUST JOKING!!
Kids take a lot of stuff for granted, like the right to demand candy from strangers!
Giving the staff back if either the kid or the parents come for it sounds reasonable.
Again, Thank you Suzie-Q...Let me help you out with this...entrapped,entrapped,entrapped,entrapped,entrapped,entrapped,entrapped,entrapped,entrapped,entrapped,entrapped. Got it, let me do it again, entrapped,entrapped,entrapped,entrapped,entrapped.
Everyone got it out of their system??? Good.
I know not what I speak of, The adult should have beat the child,sorry minor, oh, sorry teen, wait what is it this morning, gang of thugs committing terrostic acts and tresspassing on Halloween???
Again, before this post is erased. My point was to my friend Will, "Be careful, when you get into a situation like that the law may not be entirely on your side".
Entrapped was the wrong term to use, thanks again for point that out Will, Rob and Suzie Q. Perhaps you can send a letter to congress about this, maybe get a law on the books??
Posted by: Dave on November 2, 2004 08:21 AMOther than that, everyone get out and vote. The new touch-votting machines here in Fairfax county were really slick!!! Much better than the old lever machines!!
Posted by: Dave on November 2, 2004 11:25 AMOk Will, here's a really stupid but real legal term to throw at you: attractive nuisance. It's the theory by which good, law abiding citizens have a nice pool in their yard and because their fence wasn't high enough and some kid climbed their fence and drowned in their pool, the dead kid's parents get to sue and win money from the law abiding citizens with a pool in their backyard who never invited the kid to swim in their pool in the first place. Attactive nuisance is why my mother just had to spend an ungodly amount of money on a fancy perimeter fence around her yard as she just put in a pool. It ain't right, but it is. Extrapolate by replacing the attractive value of the pool with the attractive value of the candy bowl in plain sight.
On the plus side, when you touched him you probably gave him your cold...
Posted by: juli on November 4, 2004 12:11 AM