What's Better Than Puppies? ZOMBIES!!

Our home was invaded Friday night and the attack left me stumbling around. Jenne and the cats are fine. I was attacked by two zombies of my own creation.

No I have not been practicing voodoo or raising the dead – and believe me if I was raising the dead they wouldn’t be voting republican – but I have been mixing and drinking the most powerful of Tiki Bar drinks… the Zombie. When we would visit Honolulu’s Tiki Bar and Restaurant the first thing I would order was a zombie. The menu was clearly marked “limit two per customer” and with good reason. You can read about those reasons by clicking here. Well Honolulu’s closed forever earlier this year because of expansion of the circle of death – AKA the Capitol Beltway – and good zombies were not to be found. That is until the owners of Honolulu’s – David and Anna Chen – launched their own web site called Time2Tiki and started posting their signature recipes once a month. The recipe of September is my favorite Tiki drink... the Zombie, so on the way home Friday night I stopped and picked up all of the necessary ingredients and then the experiments began. I did make one mistake Friday night and that was that I was using lime juice instead of lemon juice. I read the list of ingredients four times and even took it with me to the store and each time I read ‘lemon’ as ‘lime’. I hadn’t even been drinking yet!! Anyway, the zombies tasted fine on Friday night, but I did notice a difference in taste from the drink served by David in an Easter Island head mug. It was still very good, just different. I called Larry and gave him the details while drinking the first one. He was delighted to hear that my experiments were coming along and that I would be able to make zombies for everyone at future parties. I told him I had some fine tuning to do and that I was going to mix a second one and make some adjustments. Saying goodnight and hanging up the phone I turned back to my jigger and blender. In went the ingredients and whirrrrrr went the blender. While finishing my second zombie, and feeling quite the effects of the 151-proof rum I read the list of ingredients again and caught my error. I had to be drunk to catch that ‘lime’ was in reality ‘lemon’. That’s pretty sad when I have to be drunk to correct my 'dyslexia' and I stood there in the kitchen laughing at myself.
“What’s so funny,” Jenne called from the living room where she sat comfortably on the newly arrived couch.
“Me, I made a mistake mixing the drink. Jenne, do we have lemon juice?”
“No, but we have lemons. Why?”
“Cause dummy me read the recipe wrong and I’ve been using lime juice when I should be using lemon. D’OH!”
“Well that explains why you think the drink tastes different. Are you going to mix another one?”
“No, not tonight. I’ve had two and I can barely think straight, but it has helped improve my eyesight.” We both laugh.
“Yeah, best to follow David’s advice of the two zombie limit. I don’t want you playing around with a blender and an ice crusher while blitzed.” Jenne is always so concerned about me.
“Yeah, that’s a good idea. No more blender tonight.” I did three zombies once before and that was pretty bad. Larry and Anne had to help me into their car. “Can you help me clean up my experiment.”
“That sounds like a good idea. In fact why don’t you come sit down and I’ll clean up,” said Jenne.
“Yeah, that’s probably best.” And then the phone rings. Michael is on the phone and he wants to hear how the experiment has gone. He can tell that is has gone pretty well due to my high level of incoherence. He, his girlfriend and Mr. Hughes all have a good laugh at my drunken state. Getting off of the phone I retire to the nice comfortable couch, the wonderfully plush and soft new pillows ,and the joys of television… teacher, mother… secret lover.

Saturday night Lynn and Will stop over. Will brought his matt board cutter, so we run out to the local craft store, grab some matt board and then go to Rita’s for shakes and iced-cream. Actually they make most everything with frozen custard. Jenne treats me to a strawberry frozen custard shake called a Misto, which I decide will taste much better with a shot of vanilla vodka. We head home, I spice up my drink, which is now much improved, Will and I cut matt boards (thanks Will) and I mix up a batch of Zombies with lemon juice for Lynn and I. The taste is right on and sweet memories of many fine evenings spent at Honolulu’s come rushing back. From the first one I pour Lynn and I each half. Halfway through her first it is obvious that Lynn is feeling no pain. I mix a second and top Lynn’s off. I drink another half. The four of us are sitting watching Who’s Line on TV and the commercial set comes on. Near the end of the drink – we have each had the equivalent of one – she exclaims, “better than puppies? Did you just see that flash across the TV screen in that commercial? What’s better than puppies I wonder?” Lynn looks around at each of us.
Jenne, Will and I have all been watching the same TV. “No. We didn’t see that. When did you see that?”
“It was there for just a second. A subliminal message in that commercial! I wonder what they meant by that. I wonder what’s better than puppies.” Lynn laughs. Zombies give Lynn the power to see the invisible and me the power to read correctly. It is indeed a magical drink!
“I think zombies are better than puppies, “I replied.
“Yes, you would,” Jenne says with a laugh. Will shakes his head.
“It is pretty good. Very fruity,” says Lynn finishing her drink.
“Better than puppies for sure,” I reply and finish mine. “I think we’ve had enough zombies for one night.” Everyone is in agreement.