He HAD to Have New Dice OR... Escape From Nerd Zone

This entry rated HG-13 by the Academy of Gaming Arts and Sciences for its high geek factor. It is about horror role playing games & the horrors of the game store, and will not be of interest to everyone.

Tuesday nights I have been staying at Jeff and Becky’s place (thanks guys). We have dinner, Da-veed comes over, and we play Call of Cthulhu (I’ve written about CoC in the past). Briefly, CoC is a horror role playing game set in the literary world of H.P.Lovecraft. For more details use the search feature on my web page or do a Google search, but be prepared to loose some sanity over what you find. Anyway, last night we had a much shorter session than usual mainly because I was woefully unprepared. So we tied up the loose ends from last week’s adventure that took place in the mountains near Jennings, Vermont, and I introduced the group to their new employer… the Armitage Trust. So with the setting for next week’s session laid we put away our game stuff and decided to drive over to the local game store that we call Nerd Zone! Its real name is Game Parlor.

You see Da-veed bought some new dice a couple of weeks back and well they weren’t rolling numbers to his expectations… so he wanted to buy another set of new dice. Okay, hop in the car and ten minutes later we are there. On the way Becky teases me that my “special friend” might be there and that he will be sure to latch on to me. This “special friend” is a Nerd Zone employee who is in his fifties, overweight from too much snacking while gaming, has a slightly odd scent and wears large glasses. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that he is balding and has the worst case of comb over I have ever seen. I guess his Shatner Turbo 2004 toupee hasn’t arrived yet. I was hoping beyond hope this would be his night off. Alas, it was not to be. Five seconds after we walked in the door he appeared and he was over eager to help!
“Hello and welcome to Nerd Zone,” he actually said Game Parlor in his irritating voice. “What can I help you find tonight? You all look like you need my help!“ He is cheery in a creepy way.
“No thank you. We are just browsing,“ I reply as I keep walking past him and avoid eye contact. If you make eye contact your legs have stopped moving. At that point you are doomed. To avoid the horrible fate I have developed the following personal rules for dealing with Nerd Zone employees.
Rule number one… never make eye contact.
Rule number two… NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT!
Rule number three… Limit conversations to "no thank you, I'm just browsing."
Rule number four… never make eye contact
Rule number five… If necessary repeat "no thank you, I'm just browsing." as many times as necessary while following rule number 6
Rule number six… keep walking away from bad comb over sales guy. Do not stop. Do not pass go and do not collect $200 Nerd Bucks and DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT.
Rule number seven… do not tell them what games you play, lest you wish to hear their long agonizing stories of the games that they play. And believe me, the stories are agonizingly long and boring.

“Our entire collection of new product is here,” says bad hair comb over guy in a vain attempt to ensnare me.
“Seen it. No thank you. We are just browsing,“ I repeat a slightly modified version of rule five while also exercising rule six. I grab Becky’s sleeve and keep her in tow. Jeff and Da-veed violate rules one through six. They ask about dice. Becky and I keep walking. I am thinking of ways to extract them from the clutches of BHCOG as we dive into the history game section.
“Dice!” I hear the salesman say. “Oh we have dice in all colors, sizes and shapes. Dice for every gaming need. What game do you play?”
Jeff and Da-veed now violate rule number seven. Extraction is going to be especially difficult now. Becky and I keep to the shadows.
“I really need to go and save Da-veed,” I tell Becky.
“I don’t know if you can. Your special friend is pretty persistent.”
“So am I. You just wait here in the manga section while I go and rescue Da-veed.” I head off on my mission of mercy.
“These are Dwarven Stone dice,” I hear my special friend (aka BHCOG) say. I think to myself ‘dwarven stone dice? Just what in the fuck are Dwarven stone dice? Next this guy will say they have dice made from dragon testicles!’
As I start to turn the corner I bump into Da-veed who freed himself by just walking away. I need to add a new rule.
Rule number eight… when all else fails just walk the fuck away.
“Dude, thanks for leaving me with that dork!”
“I was just coming to extract you.”
“He was,” Becky chimes in with support.
“Jeeze can I just buy some fucking dice without getting the history of the things? I mean really, this dude has no life,” says Da-veed in a little more than an inside voice.
“Did you find some new dice?” I ask.
“Yeah, I left them on the counter. Told the guy I had some stuff I wanted to look at and to leave the dice at the checkout for me. Then I just walked away while he was spouting off about some new card game.” Da-veed was a tad aggravated. “Man these dweebs just never shut the fuck up. They need someone to go all Quentin Tarantino on their asses!”
“That would be sweet,” I reply. I fall into my best Samuel L. Jackson, Pulp Fiction impression “Look at the bad comb over on Bret! BA-BANG!”
“Let’s find Jeff, pay for our stuff and go home,” Becky adds. We find Jeff with a big book in his hands and he and Da-veed head for the counter and another encounter with bad hair comb over guy. I look for a card game for Jenne and I. They are out, but another sales guy – no less annoying – tells me that that are getting more in by Thursday. He says that he will hold one for me, as he starts to tell me how much he likes the game I am looking for.
“Yeah, thanks,” I say and exercise new rule number eight. I see that Da-veed - while trying to pay for dice – has become trapped by comb over guy. He is telling Da-veed about his latest game of Call of Cthulhu, which I am sure is very interesting to him, but boring as hell to us… especially Da-veed. I walk up to the counter and pick up the dice. I interrupt the bone chillingingly boring story.
“Da-veed are these the dice you are tying to pay for so we can leave?”
“Why yes, Will they are.”
I turn to comb over guy. “He wants to pay for the dice. Ring em up so we can go. Thanks.” Comb over guy gives me a sad glance. He is disappointed that we don’t want to spend the next hour listening to his tale.
“Umm sure. We’re all busy right?”
“Why yes, yes we are,” I reply as the dice are paid for. “Good night,” I say as I lead the group out the door and we head back to Jeff and Becky’s.
"I never thought we'd escape from Nerd Zone," says Jeff.
“Why did we go there again?” asks Da-veed.
“You wanted new dice. Your other new set doesn’t roll well for you,” I answer.
“Yeah. Remind me to buy from the Internet next time.”
“We will Dave… we will.”

Please note that I was at all times polite... firm... yet polite and that I do frequent this store regularly for their fine selection of game products. I do not frequent it for the strange scents (on Saturdays it smells like a men's locker room) or the over-friendly (sometime pushy) and just a bit creepy sales people. They're nice, just too, too nice and in that weird sort of way that freaks me out.