I never realized how expensive it is to get something nice just to put my ass on, have a beer and click a remote. That is until last night when Jenne and I concluded our furniture shopping odyssey.
So after trips to The Room Store, Garlands, Scan, and earlier visits to Ikea the odyssey came to a pause with our ordering and buying at Havertys Furniture yesterday evening. Now we have that long pause until the delivery in six to eight weeks. During this time the realization of what we actually spent will kick in. My first statement is not entirely true. I did know somewhere in the back of my oversized melon of a head that good furniture can be expensive; I just never really expected that we would be buying it so soon. That’s not an entirely true statement either. As soon as we had the living room, dining room, kitchen and half bath painted I knew that new furnishings would not be far behind. You can’t have all new colors and not have all new matching furniture. These things snowball. It’s one of the irrefutable laws of the cosmos. Once you start home improvements you never actually finish. It’s a constant work in progress with no end… just delays, pauses and breaks in the action. Making one change turns into another and another until you are living in what appears to be an entirely new house. Understand that I don’t consider this to be a bad thing. On the contrary it’s a good thing, but it is also a time consuming, money consuming and tiring thing. So after visiting the aforementioned furniture stores, being talked to, accosted, attacked and even ignored by various sales people we finally found a store and a saleswoman we liked named Kirsten and have ordered new living room and dining room furnishings. With color chips in hand and Kirsten's expertise picking out the new furnishings was not quite as difficult as picking names for the cats three years ago. That took almost three months. It’s probably good that we aren’t having kids. I can’t imagine how long it would take to come up with names although we would technically have nine months to decide. Finding furnishings we liked only took two weeks. I also discovered that there is some truly GHASTLY looking furniture out there; stuff that I wouldn’t put my ass on if it was in someone else’s home. There are giant frilly pieces with huge wooden clawed legs and fringe like the fur on some hell beast. It's the knid of furniture that gives children nightmares! There are pieces that looked as if they were manufactured of leftover parts and fabric from other equally hideous furnishings from the Isle of Lost Couches. Too many fru-fru floral prints that even my grandmothers – God rest their souls – would scoff at. Items that are truly horrifying and in bad taste. There are no photos of these furnishings as they would likely have cracked my camera’s lens. Fortunately Jenne and I have good taste and we both know what we like and more importantly what we don’t. We didn’t like 98% of what we saw. We are also not afraid to tell each other what we like and what we don’t and we don’t always do it verbally. It’s in the often times subtle and not so subtle body language and facial expressions. When it is verbal yes and no are easily determined by the length of time between question and answer. The longer the time the more likely the answer is a resounding no. There is one definite advantage Jenne has over me when shopping for things that that are not music, movies, games and gadgets. My proverbial wellspring of shopping endurance and patience is not deep. You see when I get bored I make up my own movie in my head or find other things to distract my mind and my gaze. It's also best that I do not talk during these time as I would likely say something embarassing, so instead I mutter things like, "hmmm" and "ahhhh" while my brain switches back to current reality. When it comes to shopping I have a very short attention spa… Oh, look! A bird! [runs out of the room, laughing, and chases a bird.] I’m back. Anyway, this means that the likelihood of my being more agreeable goes up the longer we are in one store. That or I say, “…this stuff is crap. Screw this, we’re outta here.” That happens fairly often. I have no patience for crap. Anyway the looking, ordering and leaving a 20% deposit phase is over and it only took three plus hours. We are both happy with the choices we have made and that’s a good thing too, as we will be living with them for a very long time. So what did we buy? For the dining room Jenne got her dream set; a rectangular solid wood table with cherry and black finish with a center leaf that will seat six. Two arm chairs – called host and hostess chairs – and four standard chairs. All chairs have cushioned fabric covered seats. For the living room we ordered a new couch in a yellow, blue, tan plaid, two medium blue arm chairs, and four throw pillows. There is also a coffee and end table with dark metal legs and wood tops, two very different table lamps and a seven foot tall sculpted floor lamp with blown glass shade. Now comes the phase where we get rid of the old furniture, steam clean the carpets (the next thing to be consumed in the snowball), decide on a layout for the new furnishings, which is a process in and of itself and may involve some Feng Shui, although with Lynn’s recent experience maybe not, wait for the new ass-rests to be ready and then schedule and wait for delivery. The fun never stops and you can’t spell furniture without F, U, N except that there’s that R letter in the way and we all know that that stands for arrrrrrrrrrr as in the R in frustration. Oh well, it’s nothing that alcohol and drugs can’t cure, or at least deaden me to. There’s nothing like living in inebriated bliss. We did bring the two table lamps home last night and tonight our sales woman is delivering the floor lamp. So we have some new cool looking lamps in the house and yes, photos are coming of the lamps. For the furniture you’ll have to wait six to eight weeks. Consider the soon to be posted lamp photos 20% down. Oh, and how much did we spend? In agreement with Jenne all we will say is more than a buck ninety-eight and less than the cost of my new car.
PS, I would like it noted that although I say "ass" in the above entry I did not use either the phrase "ass-hat" or "ass-clown".
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You remind me of the last time we went sofa-buying. As I was going "this is all crap, let's leave", the salesman came up to us. "And which models do you like?" he asked. "None of them," replied my husband. The salesman looked absolutely stunned: "but we have hundreds of sofas, you must like ONE." "Nope, we hate them all." I think we may have ruined the man's life.
Posted by: Somewhat on June 8, 2004 12:46 PMLOL, Havertys usually has a few tasteful items. The service (at least at the one here in Fairfax) is first-rate.
And you are right, most of the furniture on display in furniture stores appears to have survived a paint factory explosion or have been stolen from a Chi-Chis. Show of hands: Does ANYBODY out there EVER buy really intense animal print furiniture? How about animal prints in neon colors? I didn't think so.
Posted by: Jeff Stoner on June 8, 2004 01:29 PMwhy aren't there any boobies on this site?
Posted by: mm on June 8, 2004 02:31 PMMy first name is pronounced Gee. YES YES, what the MM says. We want to see mommy bags! Gee likes mommy bags. Big bouncy mommy bags. Did the sales woman have nice mommy bags? Did you look at her mommy bags? I bet you did! hehehehehe.
Posted by: Guy LeDouche on June 8, 2004 02:35 PMI like the Lazy-boy showrooms myself. All custom made with the fabric patterns you pick.
Posted by: Dave on June 8, 2004 02:38 PMKirsten!!!!Ahhh, I first met Kirsten at a furniture store in Spain. Tell me, does she still have long, flowing red hair and sweet, sweet supple breasts?
Posted by: Peter Goesinya on June 8, 2004 02:50 PMThe key to not being assaulted by the Dreaded Zebra Print Sofa is to stay outta the discount furniture stores. One's chances of encountering such a fell beast in a Basset or Ethan Allen is pretty small.
Furniture rules
1)Don't blow your load at one shot. Piecemeal the room. You will be surprised at what looks good in the showroom and sucks at your home. Kind of like women.
2)When in doubt, pull it out. Car keys that is. Walk out and think about it. Very taxing decision. Kind of like women.
3)Foreplay is key. Visit many stores and get into the groove. The pleasure of the deal will be more enjoyable. Kind of like women.
4)Ethan Allen bitches play to win. You need to pay to play. Kind of like women.
So Will, as you plant your ass down tonight, ask yourself- "Did I conduct foreplay with bitches looking to score or did I blow my load holding my sack.. of bills, that is.
Carry On!
Whew! You can almost smell the testosterone in here, guys...kinda like sweat socks.... well,at least most of you are cute :-)
Yes, Jeff, it would just about stop your heart what people will buy when it comes to furniture. What's worse, when I sold furniture I was only allowed to make SUGGESTIONS - not actually prevent someone from putting 1970's nubby nylon on a French Country chair or contrasting toile with zebra stripes ( in my opinion toile and zebra stripes are two ends of the same kind of extreme- but wait- Do any of you guys know what toile is? ooops, more gender gap...anyway, you get the idea)and, ah yes, florals! A little bit can go a LONG way! The reason why all this crap is out there is because there is a demand for it...which ought to let you know there is a real need not to cut anymore art programs from public school and civil life. BEIGE IS NOT A COLOR - PEOPLE!!
Anyway, I'm so glad that you guys got a good dining room set. It sounds great, and you have to admit that you do a lot of entertaining, so you did have a need for something that will stand the test of time and / or the test of your friends' rear ends interacting with it. The chairs anyway.
Your living room set sounds good too. It's great that you guys have similar tastes - some people take 6 months to buy furniture and they're still bickering about it. You both have excellent taste & I can't wait to see it all together.
I'll hang on to my feng shui book for you. It has some interesting points.
Ha ha. I'm so glad to hear that someone else had a long drawn-out furniture buying experience. When I was looking for new bedroom furniture my circle had to widen considerably away from the small town I live in. Then factor in trying to get two women to agree on the same thing when they are direct opposites. One of them has no patience for shopping---that would not be me---so the other discovered that by actually leaving the state of Kansas and going to Nebraska she might end up shopping on her own and thus have the decision left to a majority of one.
I love your new lamps! They remind me a little of the Twigs lamps I got for my loft (see link).
Oh and Jeff, my link also shows the chaise I bought for lounging in my loft. It's CHEETAH...Shot it myself...
Posted by: juli on June 12, 2004 07:07 PM