Tag, I’m it!

I have found a way to slightly shorten my commute. Not by distance, that will remain the same, but by time. It’s not huge difference. About five minutes each way, but as we have all certainly learned from life experience a few minutes can make all of the difference in the world.

At lunch today I went to the local Virginia Department of Transportation Smart Tag office and got myself one of them thar Smart Tag transponders. No longer will I crawl along in the toll booth lines like a slug going up hill on a greased cookie sheet. No more going to the bank every two weeks to get twenty bucks in quarters to throw into the little plastic nets. No more waiting for the green light and for the gate to go up so I can zip on my way to and from work. No more waiting behind some ass-clown or ass-hat who just handed the booth operator a ten spot to pay a twenty-five cent toll! Nope. Now I can zip through the toll booths in the Smart Tag lanes without even having to slow down. The reader overhead will read my transponder and deduct the toll from my account as I speed merrily and verily on my commuter way. Of course there is a downside to this marvel of technology. I can now be monitored and watched by the rays emanating from the spy satellites of Major League Baseball! Tag, I’m it! Curse them. I’ll need to carry a roll of aluminum foil in my car so I can wrap the transponder when I’m not on the toll road. Maybe I should attach some wire hangers to the ceiling of my car too, and I think we may have an old metal colander at home that I can wear on my head to block the rays. Must… block… the… rays.