Tales of the Commute Presents... THE TAILGATER NIGHTMARE

I left work yesterday at 4:30 PM and made pretty good time getting to the Potomac River. I was pleasantly surprised by what appeared to be a bit of good fortune. You see the stretch from I-495 and the toll road to the 270 spur is typically molasses slow, and then it speeds up from the spur to the Route 355 overpass, and then it slows again to I-95 north. Then on rare days the slow spots are fast, but then the fast spots become slow. There are no accidents to cause this phenomenon, no road work, no flashing lights of any kind. It’s just the unpredictable insanity that is DC metro area traffic.

Well, like I was saying I was making good time and I figured I would be home by 5:30, but alas it was not to be. The converse did happen and the traffic crawled from River Road, just south of the spur all the way to I-95 north. There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to the traffic on the Capital Beltway – AKA the Circle of Death. Then just after the University Boulevard overpass the insanity became a nightmare. A white pickup pulled in behind me and proceeded to tailgate so close that I couldn’t see anything on the front of the truck below the top of the grill. I figure he was no more than 2-3 feet behind me. Being that I was just rear ended about two weeks ago this was making me very nervous. Traffic was tightly packed and I couldn’t change lanes. I was already in the right lane and I needed to be there for my exit. He stayed right on my bumper. I taped the brakes lightly a few times to signal him to back off. He grinned and pulled in closer. I motioned with my arms (no, not the finger) for him to back off. He took a long drag off of his cigarette, blew the smoke out the window and grinned again. It was a very disturbing grin. I lurched forward with the traffic and he stayed right on top of me. He never gave me any room. We came up on the exit and I slid over onto the ramp. He pulled up next to, turned his head towards me and smiled from behind his bushy mustache and reflective glasses. He took another drag and blew the smoke in my direction. I ignored him, but kept my eye on his vehicle. I was expecting what came next. He sped up and at the last minute he cut to his right cutting across my left side fender, but I was already on the brake. He then sped up, but not fast enough that I couldn’t get his license plate, the name of the company he works for - Copy Systems, Inc. - and their phone number. I moved into the next available right lane and got out from being behind him. I picked up my cell phone and called his company. They were closed for the day so I left a message. He was now out of sight somewhere ahead of me and I thought this was the end of it. I was wrong. Traffic on I-95 north can have some of the same characteristics of that on I-495 and after a few miles it came to a crawl. I saw him all the way over in the left lane stuck behind a truck. I was three lanes over on the right and moving along. I was now out in front of him again. I looked in my mirrors and saw him fight his was over to the right. After a few minutes he was behind me again and riding my bumper. Every time I changed lanes he would change with me. If I changed lanes and slowed down he would slow down. I could not get away from him. Sometimes he would pull up next to me and look over at me and grin. I could see him in my peripheral vision. I called his company phone number again and left another message while with jerk following me the whole time. Near Route-100 I was in the second lane from the right. My plan was to jump over into the exit lane last second and shoot up the ramp. I had space and there luckily there were no cars near me or entering 95 from the on ramp. He was right next to me on my left. I made my move. He slammed on his brakes and cut hard right. He was now on the ramp and racing up behind me again. I called 911 and told them what was going on. They directed me to drive right to the Howard County Police station, which is about two miles from my house. The white truck stayed on my ass and when I changed lanes he changed with me. It was up on Route-40 and Rogers Ave that I finally lost him. The light had just turned red as I pulled into the right turn lane. A minivan cut him off and got between us. I made a right turn on red. The minivan got stuck because of cross traffic. There were now four cars and almost as many yards between us as I went up and over the crest of the hill. I was out of his sight now and I turned into the police station. There was an officer standing there waiting for me. Another officer saw the white truck make a hard turn on another road and he lost the cops. I gave a full report to the police. They told me that I did the right thing by calling 911 and coming to a station. Another officer called in about five minutes later and reported that they couldn’t find the truck anywhere. Maybe this guy thought I was someone else, maybe he hates new cars or hybrids, maybe he was drunk. I have no idea and I wasn't about to stop and ask what his issues were and apparantly he has many. I went home and collapsed on the couch with Jenne and the cats. We watched TV the rest of the evening before going to bed around ten. I think it was three AM when I awoke yelling from a nightmare. The details of which are hazy. It involved a white truck and really, really bad accident and that’s all I am going to say about that. It’s been years since I have had a nightmare of any kind. It’s been since I was a child that I woke up yelling as a result of one. This commute is so much fun.