Excuse me nurse!? Hello!? NURSE!? Is anybody out there… out there… out there!?

Before reading the below entry make sure you have read this entry first.

My view of the world around me is limited to up. Sky, clouds, and the occasional top of a head or a hat or a helmet. Once in a great while I see a face. I am strapped to a backboard with my neck in a brace. Two rolled cotton towels are secured at the sides of my head. I am moved into the back of an ambulance and now all I can see is a dull silver gray ceiling and several very bright lights. It’s very cool and there is a small fan circulating air across me. An EMT sits at my head. I am told that my car is being taken to a secure lot and that the card of the towing has been placed in my camera bag, which is at my side with the strap in my hand.
“We’re taking you to Fairfax Hospital. The nurse there will make phone calls for you,” says the EMT.
“I’m really dry. Can I have a drink of water please?”
“Sorry, you’ll have to wait until we get you to the hospital.” This begins a long quest for a simple drink of water.

The ambulance moves and we are on our way. They ETA to the hospital twenty minutes. It feels like forever. I feel every bump as a burst of pain in the back of my head. My headache gets worse. I didn’t think that possible. I close my eyes to the bright light emanating from the ceiling. The ambulance puts on the brakes and my body slides forward and into my neck. I feel the compression.
“I’m sliding. There’s pressure on my neck,” I say to the EMT.
“You’re secure, sir. You’re not sliding. We have you strapped down.”
“I can tell when I am sliding,” I say as the vehicle speeds up. My body slides out of my neck and towards my feet. No more compression.
“We’re almost there, sir.”
The ambulance speeds on. I don’t recall us ever actually stopping for any lights or traffic. It’s as if there’s a special bumpy road just for the ambulance directly to the hospital. The only actual stop we make is at Fairfax Hospital. They pull me out and extend the legs of the gurney. My view is now of bare concrete, rebar, wires and ducts. New construction. Light fixtures seem to hang precariously over my head as I am wheeled down this long tunnel or hallway into an area with more bright lights. They place me up against a wall. A plague baring the letter “N” is above me. The EMTs that brought me in are talking with a nurse. I hear my name and a description of the accident. They report my vitals.
A face appears above me. It’s an EMT that looks a little like my friend Clark.
“The hospital will take of you now sir. Good luck.” And with that they are gone.
A new face appears. It’s a young female nurse with Brooke Shield eyebrows and a nice smile.
“I’m Christine and I’m you’re nurse. How are you feeling?” she asks. I tell her and explain that I am really thirsty. I ask for a drink of water of some ice cubes.
“I can’t give you anything until the doctor sees you,” she explains.
“How long until I see him?”
“We’re kind of swamped. It could be a while.”
“I haven’t had anything to drink in a couple of hours. How about just some ice?”
“Sorry. Is there anything else I can do for you?” I am aggravated and I hurt and I want to tell her to blow me. I don’t. I ask her to help me make some phone calls.
“I need to call my wife, but she’s tutoring at school. I have some friends nearby. I need to call them,” I explain and tell her I have a cell phone. She explains that my phone won’t work in the hospital. I’ll have to use the hospital portable phones. She dials for me. First I call our dear friends Jeff and Becky. I have known both of them since the mid 1980s. Jeff helped me get the brand spanking new job. Their phone rings and I get their answereing machine. I leave a brief message telling them I am reasonable Ok and at Fairfax hospital. Next we call David. I have known him since 1996. He answers.
“Hello!”
“Hi David it’s Will.”
“Why are you calling from a number that says Fairfax Hospital?” he says.
“I was rear-ended on the beltway.”
“Awe shit man, are you okay?”
“I think so. Really bad headache and sore across my shoulders and neck.”
“Awe shit man. What is it with people running into you? Shit! What do you need? Have you spoken to Jenne? Shit!”
“I need you to try and get Jenne for me. I can’t use my cell from here because they use dampers and I can’t make long distance calls from their phone. I’m on one of their portable now, but you have to have an access code to dial out and they won’t give it to me,” I say rapidly as frustration really starts to settle in. “Hell they won’t even give me a fucking ice cube to suck on and I haven’t had anything to drink in hours.”
“Do you need me to come get you?” he asks.
“Not yet. I’ll probably be here for a while. I haven’t even seen a doctor yet. I don’t even know what time it is.”
“It’s 7:15”
“Jenne won’t be home for another forty-five minutes at least. You have our home number so try calling her around eight.”
“No problem. Do you need anything else?”
“No just do that and I’ll call you later and let you know if I need a ride and a place to stay.”
“No problem dude. By the way where is Fairfax Hospital besides somewhere in Fairfax?”
“I have no clue where this place is or where I am exactly.”
“This place is at Gallows Road and Route 50,” comes a low and friendly sounding disembodied voice.
“Dave, the friendly disembodied voice nearby says Gallows and route 50.” I hear a laugh from the voice.
“Will, the voice isn’t God calling you home is it?” David has a somewhat warped sense of humor.
“Voice? You’re not God are you?” I say into the air.
“Nope, just another wreck victim like you my friend.” More laughter.
“Nope, David. Not God, thank God.” We chat a few more seconds and hang up. My nurse, Christine is out of my visual range, which being that it’s limited to up isn’t that hard to do. I see nurses and doctors whizzing by me in my peripheral vision. I try and get their attention.
“Ahh excuse me…” Whiz! “Pardon me…” Whiz, whiz. “Hello? I’d like my nurse…” WHIZ! “…please.” No one even slows down. I raise my voice. “Excuse me nurse! Hello! NURSE! Is anybody out there… out there… out there?
“Yes, what do you need?” Finally my nurse appears above me.
“I need you to dial this number and I need a drink of water.”
“I can’t give you any water until the doctor sees you,” she says as she dials the number I give her.
“Then I need the doctor and I need him now,” I start demanding.
“It’s ringing,” she says as she hands me the phone. “The doctor will be along shortly,” she says and she vanishes again. Shortly in hospital lingo has a very nebulous meaning. It means anytime between five minutes and forty-eight hours. The phone rings and I get Jenne’s voice mail on her cell. I hang up. The last thing she needs right out of class is to get is a message on her cell that I am in a hospital with no way to get in touch me and then having to drive home all worried and stressed. So I lie there on my back starring at a stain on the tile ceiling. It has the shape of an alien’s head with a big mullet. You know the kind of alien I am talking about. Small, wiry with a big almond shaped head and big black eyes. That’s the kind, except with a bad hairstyle. When you’re frustrated, bored and strapped to a backboard and unable to move you’ll find whatever way you can to entertain yourself. I also had no real sense of time and I as I lie there contemplating the many items that I’d like to pummel SUV drivers with a new face appeared in front of me. It introduces itself to me as Doctor So-N-So. He asks me all of the same questions that everyone else has. Runs all of the same checks. Says he wants X-rays and a CT scan.
“Doc, I am really thirsty. Can I have a cup of water or some ice?”
“Oh sure. No reason not to give you that. I’ll tell your nurse,” and with that he vanished.
“Hey, friendly voice?”
“Yes, my friend?”
“How long have you been here?”
“Three hours and I haven’t had an X-ray yet.”
That’s just sweet. I lie there and time continues to pass and no water arrives. I have no clue what time it is. I feel like I have been forgotten then I hear two familiar voices.
“There he is, Jeff over there against the wall,” says Becky. Their smiling faces appear above me. Thank God they show up. They fill me in on the time and where I am geographically. This helps releive me a bit. I hate not knowing where I am. I fill them in on the situation. They explain that as soon as they got the message they left home and headed to the hospital. I thank them profusely. Jeff checks with the nurse about getting my X-rays and CT scans and again the answer is shortly. One of the nurses at the desk starts calling out my name and says that I have a phone call. It’s 8:30 and Jenne is on the line. Jeff is our go between and relays what we are each saying because I can't get to the desk phone. She wants to come down. She says that Lynn & Will are already on their way to pick her up and bring her to Northern Virginia. That's awesome of them to offer and I greatly appreciate it, but I say no. I’ll be okay with Jeff and Becky and it’s no point in them driving over fifty miles this late. I’m not dying and it’s very likely that I won’t be in the hospital over night. That and I'd just have to have someone drive me back into NoVA in the morning to get the car. It would be too much of a hassle and too much time on the road. A new nurse appears and I ask about a glass of water. She says after my CT scan, which is where they are taking me now. They wheel me off. The friendly voice calls out “…good luck.” I wish him the same. I get a CT scan and am wheeled over to X-ray. They say that others have been slipped in ahead of me. I make some crack about them butting in line. They take me back to the hall and placer me under the “N” again. Although from my angle it looks like a “Z”. I am told I will be taken in for an X-ray ‘shortly’. We know what that means. I ask Jeff to track down my nurse and ask about some water. Forty-five minutes pass. No water, no X-ray. Then yet another new face and I am wheeled off to X-ray. They un-strap me and remove the collar. My body is cramped and stiff from being held in one position for almost three hours. It takes a long time for me to be able to move. I spend the next thirty minutes being posed and exposed to X-rays. I do not end up with super powers. DRAT! They wheel me back out under the familiar “N”. I can now sit up, but I must wear the collar until the doctor reviews my scan and X-rays ‘shortly’. The friendly voice fellow is gone. He was finally released. Good for him. Finally, at about 10:30 a woman Doctor So-N-So comes over to me and says my X-rays are fine. That’s good news. I ask about the scan. She hasn’t received the report via the fax yet. THE FAX! The CT Scan room is just down the hall and they have to Fax her the report? WTF? She tells me that she will get the Fax and review it… ‘shortly’. ARGH! I ask about getting some water. She says sure and walks off. Jeff says to hell with this and goes off to the kiosk he saw on the way in. He and Becky are as frustrated by the hospital staff as I am. He returns in five minutes with bottled water and a bagel for me. It has been almost seven hours since I last had something to eat or drink. The parched tissue of my mouth and throat absorbs most of my first drink of water. I think a drop reaches my stomach. I take a long slow drink and savor it. The bagel is like manna from heaven. Jeff, Becky and I keep our eyes open for either the male or female Dr. So-N-So. We watch and wait for another fifteen minutes and then she appears around a corner. She is moving fast, but we flag her down.
“DOC!? What about that scan report?”
“Oh, right!” She moves to the desk and shuffles through a pile of faxes. She pulls a sheet with my name from near the top. “Mr. Burnham right? Yes. Umm. It’s clear. You can go as soon as your nurse gives you the check out papers and releases. She’ll be with you…” Jeff, Becky and I cringe. The three of us are thinking the same thing don’t say… “shortly.” And the doctor speeds off. It’s now 11:00 PM.
“Hello nurse… NURSE?! HELLO!”
“Yes?”
“We need nurse Christine and my check out papers, like now.”
“Oh sure.” And a few seconds later Christine appears and goes over the papers with me. I sign, I pay my co-pay at the desk and we are finally out of there. Total time in the ER is almost six hours. On the drive to Jeff and Becky’s place I call Jenne and fill her in. I tell her I love her and that I’ll see her Friday afternoon. We wish each other a good night. Then I call David and tell him to stand down. Back at Jeff and Becky’s we all get a glass of cold clear water, I down a handfull of pain killers for my neck, head and shoulders, and we call it an end to a very long, aggravating and dry night.

Next, You want your car back… I need cash!