DUDE! NOT WITHOUT MY CAMERA!

I am home, I am safe and reasonably sound. I do ache across the shoulders and in my neck and head. At least the throbbing headache is gone and it’s down to a moderate level of discomfort. That’s to be expected after being rear ended and shoved into the car in front of me on the Capital Beltway by a 2004 Porsche SUV.

This all happened on the commute home Thursday evening around 5:30. I was just a half-mile shy of the American Legion Bridge. I was making my way home in heavy stop and go traffic. I had moved into the right hand lane along the exit ramp for the George Washington Parkway, which is the lane I typically use (the right one, not the exit ramp). Most people are working their way to the left to take the I-270 spur. Traffic came to a gentle and predictable stop for this location at this time of day. I glanced up into my rear view mirror and there was quite a bit of space behind me, about five car lengths or so and I saw an SUV approaching. I glanced forward and traffic was still stopped. Typical. I glanced aft just in time to realize that the Porsche SUV wasn’t stopping… it wasn’t even slowing down! SHIT! Quick, look around and think avoidance. No space! Cars to the left of me, cars to the right of me! Into the valley of wrecks… NO TIME! ALL HANDS BRACE FOR IMPACT! My left foot pressed even harder on the brake. I let go of the steering wheel and brought my arms back to my sides. I let my body go limp. BOOM, SMASH. Everything I jerked forward in my seat. Instantly the seatbelt locked in place across my lap and chest and kept me from hitting the steering wheel. My head went forward and backwards like a bobble head and smacked into the headrest twice. A lightning bolt of pain shot from the base of my neck across my head and it wasn’t over. My car was pushed forward into the car in front of me. BAM! SMASH! More jerking. More bobble head action. I was now a Saturn sandwich and I slumped back in my seat. Everyone just sat there. I could see Mrs Potomac Maryland SUV driver shaking her head as if to say she didn’t need this headache and thinking that her husband was going to be pissed. She put her vehicle in reverse and started to back up and then swing around me onto the exit ramp. For a moment I thought she was going to try and make a run for it sown the parkway! I grabbed my camera to snap a few shots of her license plate. No need. She was moving out of the traffic lane onto the shoulder. Nice of her to see if the person in front of me or I was injured. We all moved onto the shoulder and she just sat in her Porsche. After a few minutes she got out and walked up to my car.
“Umm… are you okay?” she asked.
“Apart from a blinding headache… Didn’t you see the traffic was stopped? I mean you’re sitting up higher than everyone else in stop and go rush hour traffic and you think you can just not pay attention!”
“Umm… my foot slipped off the brake. I guess we should trade insurance information.”
“Yeah that and call 911.”
With that she backed up, looked around not knowing what to do or say and walked back to her pretentious as hell SUV. I picked up my phone and dialed 911. I got Montgomery County, MD on the line and I was in Fairfax County, VA! They said they’d transfer me, but I saw a Virginia trooper in my mirror, told them never mind and hung up. My head throbbed and the world was a lot brighter than it had been a moment ago. I thought my sunglasses had flown off of my face, but they hadn’t. I tried to call Jenne, but she was tutoring at the college and her phone was off. Shit, it was game night too and the guys were coming to our house at 7:00. I had to let them know that a Potomac Princess cancelled game night for us because she was in a hurry. I called Michael and then Keith and gave them a quick run down. Of course their first concern was my health and offers of assistance. Thanks guys. Then I called work and let them know that I was more than likely going to be out on Friday. They were SUPER concerned. Made all sorts of offers to help. Told me not to worry about anything at the office just get checked out, rest and get well. They told me that we’d talk next week about what they can do to help with my hours and my commute so life is good. My new bosses are super cool.
The trooper comes up to my car and asks if I am okay. I tell him that my head hurts really badly and I am a bit nauseous and really thirsty. I was cottonmouth dry. Hitting the back of my head set off a super big headache. Migraine level. He called for an ambulance and told me he would take care of information exchange and not to worry about anything. The Fairfax ambulance crew showed up and checked me out. They wanted to take my sunglasses off, but I told them no. It was too bright without them. They put a collar on me and slid me onto a backboard, strapped me down to where I couldn’t move and loaded me into an ambulance. They wanted to transfer me to Maryland, but Montgomery County told them they couldn’t get a crew over the Potomac for at least an hour. Okay then. Load me up and take me to Fairfax Hospital.
“Sir were taking you to the hospital soon.”
“Not without my camera. I can’t leave my camera and bag.”
“No problem, sir. What all do you need from you car?”
“Black camera bag with camera, glasses case, wallet and cell phone. The rest can stay.”
“No problem, sir. I’ll get it for you and put it right here next to you,” said the disembodied voice. My field of vision was limited to up. I didn’t see the damage to my car, or many faces. I saw bright sky and the ceiling of an ambulance. Occasionally I would see a partial face or a hat or a helmet. The ambulance crew took my vitals. They checked my eyes, my extremities, and my vitals. BP was up higher than normal, but everything checked out okay. I was asked a lot of questions.
“Did you black out?”
“No.”
“What is the last thing you remember?”
“Being hit. Two loud bangs and a lot of jerking back and forth.”
“Do you remember leaving your office? Do you remember details of your day?”
“Yes.” I told them some details. They asked about any medications I was taking and any allergies. The usual questions.
The trooper came into the ambulance and took my report. It was pretty simple and straight forward.
“I was sitting absolutely still in stopped traffic and I was hit from the rear. I was then slammed into the car in front of me,” I said. He wrote things down, asked a few more questions, and handed me his card and the card of the towing company. My car would be taken to a secure lot in Fairfax. He told me to call him for the official report on Friday afternoon. With that the ambulance doors were closed up and it was time for a bumpy and not so headache friendly ride to a local emergency room where I would spend the next several hours strapped to a back-board staring at a stain on the ceiling that looked like an alien with a bid mullet. For now I am off to take some pain killers and take a nap.

Coming next… Excuse me nurse! Hello! NURSE! Is anybody out there… out there… out there? Followed by... You want your car back, I need cash!