One Reason Why I Hate Family Gatherings

Family get togethers have become a big pain in the ass. Have become? No, they have always been a pain in the ass. If there weren’t nieces and nephews I doubt Jenne and I would go to any family gatherings. Generally I avoid the adults at these events and stick to playing with the kids. This keeps me out of harms way and keeps me from saying things that in all honesty, should be said. Socializing with the adults at family gatherings equates to a lot of biting my own tongue. I did great yesterday, or so I thought until I received an email this afternoon from my mom that said, “I do not know exactly what was said yesterday but your father was very hurt and almost tearful going home last night.” My father hurt and almost tearful, over what? So I racked my brain about the few times I did talk in a group of adults. AHH! I recall the one time I was involved in a group discussion with a bunch of adults. Everyone was joking around, throwing little jabs, talking about the trivial stuff people talk about at parties. Dad has always been the lead jab thrower and this time was no different. A Burnham said something about how the Burnham men have FLAT asses (not true. I have a great ass). Flat asses got twisted into fat asses. Dad said something about my ass and I made the crack back that dad has the fattest ass of all. Everyone, including dad had a chuckle and then the talk switched to something else entirely. The nieces called to me to shot hoops with them. I thought nothing else of the friendly conversation. Another email arrives from mom with, “I do not know the whole conversation but somewhere along the line a remark was said about him having a "fat ass" or that he was a "fat ass". This upset him markedly and he knows he has a weight problem and is really working on it. Family functions excluded. He does well for six days out of a week.” So it was my fat ass comment. All I can really say to this is tough shit. Dad has always thrown taunts and jabs as long as any of us can remember, and without provocation. He’s hurt his sons, his daughter-in-laws, wife, friends and various family members with his jabs. When he learns that he’s hurt someone he’s always said it was in jest and we need to get over it. He’s never given a shit that he’s hurt any of us and never apologized for it. His sons have learned from his continuos example and at least two out of three of us have learned not to treat others in the same way. I know it hurts. I don’t do it to others, but turnabout in my father’s direction is fair play as far as I am concerned. It was a rapid-fire comment made in jest and not a personal comment or one directed at his health problems, although now I am glad he took it the way he did. Dad was in the hospital on March 11th with breathing difficulty and was told that he has to loose weight. Not only for his breathing, but because of his diabetes too. I'm not going to apologize for what I said because first off it was said in jest, and second off I can see now how it really needed to be said. Jenne and I, my brothers and the party guests saw him eat yesterday and we were all disturbed by it, but no one says anything because he's Dad, he's Richard and he does what he wants. It’s been made clear to us not to say anything. He tells us that he diets six days out of seven and on the seventh he will consume! No one is convinced that he is dieting. No one believes him, but we all smile like we do. Right in front of Jenne and I, he filled this king size Burger King cup with ice cream. The whole cup and after all that other food! We're not supposed to comment so we watch him eat himself to an early death. How are we supposed to be sympathetic and supportive of that? He needs some tough love from his family. No more coddling and enabling. I get angry at myself because I don't have the balls to stand up to him and say more than a little jab. The time to stay quiet, sit on the sidelines and not actively participate is over. I can't be a good son and watch my father eat himself to death and not say anything. If he gets pissed at me for that than so be it. I'll live with that, as I am doing it out of love and a desire to have him around for my mom and for the grand kids as long as possible. My mom and I are now involved in an email exchange. It will probably go on for a while. I hate family gatherings.