Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Good TV Reception

All of the disasters of March are now well behind us. The basement is back to normal (I hear you snickering), the PCs work again (as best as five year old PC technology can work) and the new water heater is churning out gallons of hot water. One unrelated and so far unreported problem still exists however, our bad cable TV reception courtesy of Comcrap… I mean, Comcast… Cable TV. Half of the seventy-some channels are unwatchable due to ghost images, snow and wavy lines. I could understand this if we had rabbit ears, but we have cable damn it! Still the bad reception is not as big an issue for me as it is for Jenne. You see she got the TV surfing gene. I watch mainly DVDs so it’s only a problem for me when I want to watch The Simpsons. Of course both of the local Fox affiliates are screwed up! Well enough is enough. We’re paying for what should be good TV reception and by God we want it! It’s our God given right as Americans to have good TV reception. It’s in the Constitution! Sure it is. It’s somewhere near the back. It’s near that section on the right to arm bears. Trust me. Well, to get this issue resolved we had the cable guy (no, not Jim Carrey) over to look at it and fix the problem. After putzing around with a signal meter, staring at the walls, scratching his chin and making the most disgusting noises one can make with nasal congestion and phlegm he declared that he couldn’t fix the problem! I understand what it’s like to have allergies, but the sloshing, slurping, sucking noises that emanated from this guy were disgusting and I had to listen to it for thirty minutes! Anyway, the reason he can’t fix it is because the cables and splitter are hidden somewhere inside the walls and no one knows exactly where. We are not ripping down walls to find coax cable. So now we have to have an installer come out on Friday and run all new cable. This is no easy task since we live in the center of a quad of town homes and he can’t just run new cable around the side of the house. And he’s not going to run it through our finished basement either. We don’t want coax visible in our nice basement and I am not moving 30% of the Star Wars collection to accommodate the cable company. That means he has to run cable up the front of the house, through the attic and down the back of the house. That’s fine by us as long as it’s not visible, and our Constitutional rights are restored. If not, I’ll see if I can persuade Gee Dubya to wage war on them. Shouldn't be too hard. All I have to do is convince Dubya that the cable company gives TV to Al Qaeda.